It's the one thing that is advised of in all relationships: DON'T BE NEEDY. I, myself on countless occasions have given the same suggestion to many of my friends. And I, myself have been objected to receiving the exact same words from the mouth of the exact same friends. That's what got me thinking, about the relationship I'm in at the moment. It raised many questions: Why am I so needy? Why do I always need his approval? Why do I always have to be constantly reminded of his affection for me?
The number one reason for this is LACK OF CONFIDENCE. The reasons vary on a large scale for different people.
My justifications fall into the classic category of the fact that I never had a good relationship with my father, so now I have trouble maintaining a relationship with any man. But I let this eat at me and fill me with resentment towards a person that normally doesn't deserve the blame for my father's actions. I have the silly notion that every guy that walks into my life is a spitting image of my Dad, and will hurt me just like he did my Mother.
Soon, my partner became resentful of me, because I was holding hi responsible for something he had never done. It became tiring on him to the point that he wasn't even trying anymore. He had lost interest in the relationship and it was my fault.
The second reason for my downfall was I wasn't doing anything I liked at all. I was living what I call an EMPTY LIFE. I loved him, God yes, but I wasn't focusing on anything other that him. He became the center of my universe. My whole being revolved around him and I felt bitter when it wan't mutual. I had no hobbies, I didn't hang out with any friends and I spent no time on myself. I loved him so much, and it drove me crazy. I was a ticking time bomb ready to explode at any moment.
But soon I started working out, starting new hobbies and spending alone time to relax. The more time I spent on myself doing what I loved, the less I felt "obsessed" with him. It also did wonders for my confidence.
The last reason for my trying to mess up a good relationship links closely to the first reason, I felt that I was UNDESERVING OF LOVE, of anybody's love. Like I mentioned the reasoning behind mine was family issues. I had never felt loved by my father, and I felt guilty for it. Like I was a bad person or something. But I'm not. It was never my fault he was a shitty father who was never around and always cheated on my mom. It was never my fault he wanted a boy so when he found out I was a girl he never held me at my birth.
My relationship, or lack of it, with my father is a story for another day. My main objective for this article though I may not have stated it properly was to point that you don't need anyone in you life if you don't want them, and that unless you learn to be independent and happy with yourself no one, I repeat no one can do these things for you. You will try to make them do it for you, but they won't because they can't. You can. So start today.
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